i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
