I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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