their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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