I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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