I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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