I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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