there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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