I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
