he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
