I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
