Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
