epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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