Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
