i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
