I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
