Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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