I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
