Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
