i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
