In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
