Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
