im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
