theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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