We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
