I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
