I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
