seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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