Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I died a long time ago.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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