Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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