This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
