My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
