Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
