It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
