Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
look no pants
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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