I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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