I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
