He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize