I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize