my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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