How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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