so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize