When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
