I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
