he puts the penis in happiness.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
