I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
