i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
