We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
