I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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