Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
