Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
