Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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