just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
