I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
