He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
