I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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