walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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