i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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