I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
