I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
