remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
