Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
