idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
