I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
