Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
