my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
