That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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