airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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