i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
