i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
