the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
